Hay veces que la vida nos da momentos que nos hacen parar en nuestras huellas, momentos en los que necesitamos esas pocas o muchas palabras de apoyo y amor. Momentos, en los cuales muchas veces lo unico que nos queda decir es- 'Mandame una senal' o hay que esperar para lo que tiene que venir.
There is a certain trust we place in life and a certain faith we have in ourselves and in our path that it becomes even more apparent in moments that cause us to freeze in our tracks or question the very tracks that have gotten us to this place to begin with.
The sun has officially announced it's vacation and has taken off for greener pastures and less wet environments, meanwhile the clouds have taken reign over the skies claiming all territories left behind by the sun as their own, and even today while I saw a sliver of the moon trying to fight back and show her lovely bright light, I saw for a split second the clouds take over the moon as well, engulfing around her in their mission of gray and gloom. So it's official- winter is here, and with it the hermits of London begin to shed their partying skin and homes become shelters from the cold and rooms become pods in which to hide away.
I bought myself some fresh flowers this weekend at portobello market to try and remind myself of the bright and cheerful exteriors that exist in our world and so far it has worked, although my purple flowers (not sure of the name) I'm sure Ash would know- anyway they seem to have wilted a bit faster than the pink geraniums I believe is what they are.. perhaps it's because the cute vase I bought at the antique market in which I placed the purple flowers used to be hundreds of years ago a container for poison.. but surely all the poison's gone from the bottle and the flowers should live on happy and bright- perhaps the purple flowers being closest to my bed, and closest to me come nightfall are simply reflecting my own hermit mood and this wilting feeling of succumbing to yet another winter.. but like most things in life- there is always a bright side, and in the while my pink flowers certainly provide this on top of my pink desk- the brighter side even is the travelling that shortly will meet my passport and the new stamps that will join the other 110 to create a collage of experiences never to be forgotten and memories that will live on within those who share them with me. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to look upon the bright side of what is to come.. for me that begins this Friday and will hopefully continue on until the last weekend I am here. It's no secret that my return back home has been a long time coming.. while most people expected me home in May, and most people were disappointed that I decided to stay back, this time it feels right. This time, I know that the time has come and the experiences I will have had up until December 19th will confirm that I am ready to go back to a settled (or more settled) lifestyle. To discover new things about my favorite city in the US as an adult living there as opposed to a teenager so many years ago. To start my life in a new direction chosen by me and the things I want to accomplish, to hold on to that eager new feeling of experiences had for the very first time. To pause in pure appreciation for a life that has been a long time coming, and a life that could not have happened had I not gone through all that I did to get there. And I know that the only sign I need is the one within my heart, the one that assures me that everything will end up ok and that I will end up on the path towards the journey that I was meant to take. I am confident in that feeling and I am sure that as my purple flowers wilt and my pink ones bloom, the only flowers that matter- are the ones as the quote in this blog state as I remember..."Do not stop and pick flowers to keep them, but walk and walk, because flowers keep themselves blooming throughout your journey" - Tagore.
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Saturday, 6 November 2010
The path
on which we may currently find ourselves on can often be the path you never thought you'd encounter. So many factors of your life seem so simple and often realized as actual decisions you would have made. While others, so strange in their appearance and feeling, are almost alien in your world of recognition.
Until one day your eyes seem to have opened a millimeter as if overnight. You wake up, and suddenly things aren't exactly as you remember them being, something is different, and you can't quite pinpoint if it's good or if it's a terrible thing that you have no idea. So you begin to question the decisions that have lead to this point and you begin to doubt. Simple things like I'll wait to leave for at least a year, and I will follow my passions, become so intertwined and a decision must ultimately be made. But it is not our decision to take. We leave it up to our spirit to feel the right path and know exactly where it has to go. We follow our spirit because we follow our passion and our hearts lead the way into the dreams we always knew we could realize.
The future becomes the present and we feel ourselves literally crossing the bridges onto a life of choice and action. It is almost as if an awakening is happening within ourselves and we are allowing ourselves to see the truth for once. We acknowledge our passion as a reality and no longer some distant dream which we hope to one day be brave enough to pursuit. And Life suddenly becomes that thing we always hoped we would have that actual reality that keeps us grounded into what's important in this life. Family, friends, and loved ones.
I am thrilled each and every day becomes this awakening, as it has finally happened to me. I have accepted the past 4 to 7 yrs of travelling as the beautifully blessing first part of my journey, that was my awakening to our world. To know our world and the many beautiful cultures and places within it is crucial for us to be able to truly know ourselves. To know who we become in the middle of devastating poverty. To look into the faces of forgotten children due to disease and birth defects. To know who I am as I become a mother to a 4 yr old girl with cerebral palsy. To know who I became as I lived among a village of a Ghanaian community, that became my family. To live on top of the mountains amongst the stars and the waterfalls. To take on the responsibility to become a chief of development for this village. To fall in love with 80 different children of all ages but all from poverty stricken families. Children who had to resort to drugs and theft to get by. Children who knew nothing about the release of communication through art and theater. Children who are now married and working and successful in their lives and still send me messages calling me Miss Natalie. Miss do you remember me?? And of course I do, each and ever day I remember these minor details of my path thus far. And I'm now beginning to see the transition of the awakening to myself and my life. It's scary but thrilling to be aware of, as it feels good to hold on to the first part of my journey and be able to look forward to adding the new to taking the next step and turning the page as the next chapter begins.
Until one day your eyes seem to have opened a millimeter as if overnight. You wake up, and suddenly things aren't exactly as you remember them being, something is different, and you can't quite pinpoint if it's good or if it's a terrible thing that you have no idea. So you begin to question the decisions that have lead to this point and you begin to doubt. Simple things like I'll wait to leave for at least a year, and I will follow my passions, become so intertwined and a decision must ultimately be made. But it is not our decision to take. We leave it up to our spirit to feel the right path and know exactly where it has to go. We follow our spirit because we follow our passion and our hearts lead the way into the dreams we always knew we could realize.
The future becomes the present and we feel ourselves literally crossing the bridges onto a life of choice and action. It is almost as if an awakening is happening within ourselves and we are allowing ourselves to see the truth for once. We acknowledge our passion as a reality and no longer some distant dream which we hope to one day be brave enough to pursuit. And Life suddenly becomes that thing we always hoped we would have that actual reality that keeps us grounded into what's important in this life. Family, friends, and loved ones.
I am thrilled each and every day becomes this awakening, as it has finally happened to me. I have accepted the past 4 to 7 yrs of travelling as the beautifully blessing first part of my journey, that was my awakening to our world. To know our world and the many beautiful cultures and places within it is crucial for us to be able to truly know ourselves. To know who we become in the middle of devastating poverty. To look into the faces of forgotten children due to disease and birth defects. To know who I am as I become a mother to a 4 yr old girl with cerebral palsy. To know who I became as I lived among a village of a Ghanaian community, that became my family. To live on top of the mountains amongst the stars and the waterfalls. To take on the responsibility to become a chief of development for this village. To fall in love with 80 different children of all ages but all from poverty stricken families. Children who had to resort to drugs and theft to get by. Children who knew nothing about the release of communication through art and theater. Children who are now married and working and successful in their lives and still send me messages calling me Miss Natalie. Miss do you remember me?? And of course I do, each and ever day I remember these minor details of my path thus far. And I'm now beginning to see the transition of the awakening to myself and my life. It's scary but thrilling to be aware of, as it feels good to hold on to the first part of my journey and be able to look forward to adding the new to taking the next step and turning the page as the next chapter begins.
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