I wish I may I wish I might keep most of my new years resolutions..you know, those promises we make ourselves once December becomes January. I decided to start the year with an excerpt from my journal which hold my deepest thoughts but mainly just stream of consciousness.
January 3, 2009
Another year has come and gone in the blink of an eye. I'm glad I was able to spend the New Year with family after a long ass 15 hour trip I am finally back "home" or wherever home may be. I am in London. After flying through Frankfurt and traveling from Santa Barbara to San Francisco I am back with a fresh look at life and my situation. I am looking towards the future and taking the decisions towards the path I'd like my life to go in. And I'm experiencing a journey unlike any I've experienced before. I anticipate 2009 to bring change- like the rest of the world. And I am ready to face the new adventures ahead. As is custom in all new years I've thought about resolutions and I know that I want to complete the below..
1. Travel- to: Sweden, Paris, Italy, Belgium, Ireland, Scotland, US.. suggestions?
2. Get healthy-by: signing up for the gym (because knowing how much I'm paying I'll force myself to go) walking to or from work EVERYDAY. (weather permitting)
3. Write more
4. Pen Pal with friends/sisters/family- this is where you come in people-
5. Get clear or clearer career/life path
6. Save up!!
7. Pay off all credit card debt.
8..........
That's where my thoughts began to race past the pages of a journal and as I sit now back in the UK for three days and back at work for two I know that some resolutions will undoubtedly be harder to keep than others but I know that no matter what I will try and remind myself of where I want to be going.
Home was amazing. Home- home- meaning family. I am pretty sure I was with family every single second I was there.. except for the bathroom although sometimes not even that could separate us! hehe comes from having a big family or as Dado used to say being 'one toilet Irish'- you're bound to share the bathroom :)
As I sit trying to list all the memories that will guide me through the cold London nights I listen to one of the songs that has given me comfort when I got my own case of the mean reds.-
"Hang on, help is on the way, And stay strong...Hold your own, know your name, and go your own way...and everything, everything will be fine. Everything...everything will be fine everything... in no time at all.."
I know now that I was on a time line for myself a strict idea of where I was supposed to be at a certain time. London then Abu Dhabi, then LA or New York, etc. etc. however today as I left the office I was walked out by my boss who wanted to tell me that one of the Head Honcho's at CNN- said that the official launch of the office will be announced tomorrow and will be September 2009. My initial reaction was mute, blank, dissapointment. Not only does this go against my plans for London time but it leaves me uncertain about a couple of the numbers on the above list.. however as I walked home listening to music tring to figure out what to do. I remembered what a good friend told me just yesterday that every experience comes to us for a reason, wheather we plan for it or not, there are relationships, friends, eadventures that arise from every situation. I thought to myself what is the point of me being in London if not to get whiter by the second and realize that I need the sun more than anything. But then I turned back and looked up the moon was half lit shining right on top of me and beside it... I saw stars. I've always believed in the magic of astronomy, the stars, and the unparallel magnificence of everything bigger than us.. and the thing is that when I arrived in Santa Barbara- one of the first things I said before I even walked through the door was- Wow! I can see the stars. Santa Barbara's night was bright and crisp, the stars to me were a beautiful reminder that no matter how badly I felt before arriving, things were going to be just fine. My parents thought my comment was funny but after I explained that I hadn't seen the stars for three months while in London they understood my childlike amazement at seeing such beauty written in the sky.
Tonight I saw the stars while walking two steps behind my frozen breathe. I smiled as Frank Sinatra sang in my ear saying give me a chance. And I decided that perhaps I was being too quick to judge this city. It's hard to be without family, it's even harder to work somewhere you aren't sure you want to be, and with people who just don't compare to others you've worked with before. But no matter how hard I know that I am strong enough to find out what the next chapter will be... and God has a plan for all of us, tonight my plan was to follow the brightest star I saw all the way home. And I did.
1 comment:
:) TQM.
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