Can be a very misleading thing in a London day. For starters it looks beautiful outside, almost sunglasses wearing weather, and the minute you step outside your toes freeze and your nose is as red as a cherry- or maybe that's just me.
London's fall has come and gone in a matter of a day or half an evening...which is too bad because it's my favorite season of the year, but alas I will have to wait another year to experience the fall of the leaves for long enough to appreciate them without some blasted wind carrying them away into the abyss. In the time the leaves have come, I've settled back into my tiny room, finally unpacking my suitcases, and actually living in the room as opposed to staying there. My Tibetan decorations (acquired in Rome by a dear Tibetan monk) are hanging from my windows and walls, and the tiny antiques I've been able to carry with me decorate my sill bringing me a sense of ease and calm on the tired nights home. The time I've allotted for my London stay have unfortunately or fortunately, depending on the day, become shorter- I am now forced to go home December 19th making my last day at work December 17th... to be home. Oh to be home, to be with family, to be there for family, to feel the changes and to put up with the duty of being the strength for a change. It's hard to hear about family news being so far away and feeling the uselessness of not being able to do anything when so much doing is needed. I have been forced to determine the powerlessness that has come with the title of a nomadic traveller- the detached importance of my position in my family are vague when felt from so far away, and I can say with all my being that I have never been happier to be with family. As most people know, the words that are synonymous with Conneely are: close, together, strong, big, giving, there for each other at all times. The latter I'm afraid I have become less and less a definition of. It's almost easier to forget about the immediacy of situations when being away, and the effect of impacting changes becomes less grave- which is something I never wanted to feel... and am unfortunately guilty of feeling. However I know that come 2 months from now I will be front and center in the middle of it all forced to take it all in again, but this time from a first hand perspective. I know that at times we are called to do certain things with our life, to work, to travel, to learn, to teach, to experience, to witness, to love, to laugh, to cry, to feel, most of those I tend to do pretty well, however to be there for family when you are most needed- this is something I have not done for a bit now, and something I look forward to doing with all of my heart and all of my being.
On a non familial note- I have taken my original bucket list which I first formed when I was meant to be in London for 6 months and scratched most but one of the items realizing that ultimately a bucket list becomes all the things you most want from the time you are given. And for me, it comes as no surprise, that the things I most want (still) are to experience new cultures, and see new visions of wonder around the world. What I still desire in my very soul is to be surrounded by different smells, sights, and emotions cause by a surrounding that is in its entirety completely different than anywhere I have been before. So what am I on about??...
I have finally (after 2 years since moving to London) purchased my train ticket to Stratford Upon Avon- the place I've been thinking and wondering about since moving- the place I used to tell myself I'd " hang out" in... however that place is a little more than 2 hours away and as it turns out leaving London for anywhere within the UK has proven a lot harder than i thought. So.. i will be visiting Shakespeare's birthplace, the home he wrote many masterpieces in, and the grave he was laid to rest within. I will also get away from London City for a bit which is always nice to remind ourselves that we live surrounded by so much more than buildings and noise.. I have tried to maintain a personal rule or goal if you will- to travel every other week before I move back.. or something close. So For the moment i am planning on visiting Stratford upon Avon this weekend, Amsterdam for Halloween weekend, Lisbon (work permitting), Beirut to visit with Tamara for a weekend (yay!) Bath with some of the close friends I've made in London, and ultimately (and this is the one I'm most looking forward to as I've been wanting to land within this country for years..) Morocco.. I'm aiming to make it out to Fes for a day after landing in Marrakesh.. And then a week later- I take off for the golden gate bridge! It's still surreal to think about and very scary at the same time. But nothing has ever felt so right, and so necessary in my life than moving back home. It's now truly time, my time, to shine, my time to feed my soul with something more than just travel..as hard as that may be- it's time to buy a bed, to make friends who I will celebrate more than one birthday with, and to allow myself to follow my dreams and finally put in place the tools I need to start my own non profit within the arts, theater, and film. I can't wait to begin the path I have dreamt about for so many years. And I can't think of a better place to begin, than where that dream started- the good ol' city by the bay.
No comments:
Post a Comment